This is a list of deal breakers I have made note of over my years of dating. Thank you Caroline for helping me edit :)
Deal Breaker #1: Peanut Allergies
Now I know it’s wrong to judge people with an illness that they have no control over – that is not what I intend to do. I cannot stress enough that this rule has nothing to do with the individuals themselves. Instead this rule boils down to my own fatty addiction to peanuts and peanut butter. I consume peanut butter on a daily basis – it’s one of my favourite foods in the world. Whether it’s on bread, crackers, fruit or by the spoonful, or slathered on a gorgeous stallion of a man, I’m eating it. Let me remind you, we’re not dealing with just peanuts people. Peanut allergies includes no almonds, mixed nuts, egg rolls, pesto sauce, and Thai food. No more chocolate almonds? Sorry dude, that’s a tall order. If I have to make a choice between you and my food, you better be the most amazing man on earth.
Deal Breaker #2: Bros
You know who these guys are. Bros are the guys who wear bright coloured tanks with flat brimmed hats and sunglasses. These are the mysterious creatures that drive shirtless in their Jeeps with the doors off blaring techno music on a sunny day. The guys who sentences start with either “Dude” or “Guy” or “Yo” or any other abbreviated one-syllable words. Bros are guys who have tribal tattoos because it gives them an excuse to show off their steroid fueled muscle. The guys who spend most their time in the gym, looking like a walking box so they can say things like, “Suns out guns out”. Studies show that majority of bros preferred dubstep when “broing out”. In short, you’re boring. Pass.
Deal Breaker #3: Too Broke To Pull Their Own Weight
I know that not everyone has it easy when it comes to finances. As someone who works minimum wage for the most part, I get that life is expensive and money is hard to come by. This is especially true if you’re not spoiled rotten by your parents or have their financial support. I can sympathize for people who don’t come from money, or struggle to get by (especially artists – babes). What I can’t stand is when it becomes an excuse for everything. You’re a big boy – figure it out! Work two jobs if you have to. I’ll never expect you to pay for me, but for the love of Pete, pull your own weight on the bill. Be a man and get your shit together! Tina Fey and Amy Poehler said it best: “BITCHES GET STUFF DONE”.
Deal Breaker #4: Takes Selfies
From my own experience, be weary of any man who likes to take selfies. I’m not talking about a guy who takes a few selfies here or there –- but someone who is actually self obsessed. If you go on their Facebook and more than half of the pictures are of just them, and clearly taken from their own camera — that’s a problem. The man with a big ego is never a good thing. These guys tend to comment on how attractive or good-looking they are. Who are you, Ryan Gosling? Get out! They also tend to think that every woman who bats an eye at them secretly wants them. Don’t be so sure of yourself buddy.
Deal Breaker #5: Doesn’t Eat Sushi
First of all, who doesn’t eat sushi? Even if you don’t like raw fish, there are all kinds of westernized sushi out there these days that consist of vegetables, beef, chicken, shrimp and deep fried goodness. I don’t know, perhaps you could choose from one of the many other options on the menu that aren’t sushi! I’m sure you enjoy some sort of noodle or chicken dish. If there is absolutely nothing on that menu that you could enjoy eating then this won’t work out. Get out — and take your unoriginal taste buds with you!
Deal Breaker #6: Unadventurous
As always this one also includes food. With food, don’t stick your nose up at something until you’ve tried it. I’m not talking about eating gross things like bugs or bull testacies. Just be open to trying different foods. On a non-food note, it’s good to be adventurous in life in general. If you are content doing the same, mundane things over and over again without trying anything ever, then that’s fine — but boring. A wise man once said, “don’t be lame”. So stop being a bitch about it and do it! Just know that you only have one life to live, and that life is merely a series of opportunities presented to you. So go to that film you didn’t want to see, go to the park for that picnic you didn’t much care for, take your lady to do her favourite activity that you’re not so fond of. Get out of your comfort zone and do it dumby!
Deal Breaker #7: Can’t Spell Basic Words
I can sympathize with people who share in my poor spelling and grammar skills. I can’t however stand by someone who still misspells simple words on smart phones and computers equipped with spellcheck! We have the resources and technology people! No need to feel embarrassed or ashamed. These things fix this shit for you! If you’re still too lazy to click a button or Google it– get out!
Deal Breaker #8: Unmotivated
One of the most attractive qualities about a man can be his drive and ambition. A guy could be living out of their parents house, no car, no money but has a plan to get their life in order suddenly seems much more appealing. Come on guys, have goals, have drive, and have ambition. No one wants to be with someone who sleeps in late every day, or has no commitments or motivation to do anything. Even if you have found yourself at a time between jobs, make good use of your time. Be creative, volunteer, do all those things you wanted to do but didn’t have time for. That being said, no one wants to be with someone who is overly ambitious and lost touch with the things that matter. Keep one foot on the ground, and make achievable goals. As Richard Dreyfuss said, “take baby steps”.
Deal Breaker #9: Basic Cleanliness & Hygiene
Ain’t nobody got time for someone who stanks! It’s very simple — just shower once a day and use the proper hygiene products like deodorant and toothpaste. Perhaps spray yourself with a little cologne or aftershave every once in a while. On a side note, a LITTLE goes a long way – that’s all I’m saying!
Deal Breaker #10: Doesn’t like Music
Might as well say you hate babies or puppies. Why do you have no soul? Pass!
Steve Martin and Kermit the Frog face off in a battle of Dueling Banjos.
The Man’s A Legend